Monday, November 25, 2013

Just when you think...

I don't know what changed.  I don't know how it changed.  After trying to "lose weight" for years and years and years and being successful, but feeling like I can't get to the finish line, something clicked.  I always read these weight loss blogs and look at other people's stories and think how is it so easy for them?  Something must have clicked for them that just is not clicking for me.  How can I lose 46 pounds and keep it off for years and years and just be stuck here no matter what I do.  What the hell do they know that I don't know?!?!

Just when I say "fuck it" (excuse my language), I'm over it and I'm not getting on that freakin scale every day...every week, it started working.  Something clicked?  I'm not sure yet, and I don't want to jinx it, but this might be it guys.

I stopped worrying about losing weight.  I stopped counting calories.  I stopped counting points.  I stopped counting numbers on the scale.  I simply started eating right, but also splurging when I feel like it.  I've been active.  I get to the gym a decent amount during the week.  I wear my fitbit and make sure I'm getting 10k steps a day and 10 flights of stairs.  And guess what?!  I havent gained 50 OR 100 pounds.  In fact, the number on the scale is a good bit lower than it was at my wedding in March.  You may think if you stop obsessing over it, you will gain weight, but it isnt the case.

I was recently reading a blog this girl writes. She lost lots of weight and did it by running.  When she hit a plateau in her weight loss she would run some more and so on.  She lost all the weight and continued to run EVERY DAY.  She would skip out on the things she wanted to do because she HAD to run in order to keep the weight loss off.  When she started losing weight she was around 250 and when it ended she was around 135.  That's a big damn deal.  And you know what?  One day she got in her car to go run after turning down some friends that were doing something she really wanted to do and she said she just sat there and cried.  She said that that day she realized that she would rather have the life she had at 250lbs than the one she was living at 135.  And that day she stopped running.  She hasn't run again.  It's been a few years.  She likes to walk and hike.  She enjoys playing outside with her dogs.  Her current weight?  135. 

I sat at my desk today after lunch for two hours trying to decide if I was going to eat the bag of popcorn that was in my desk.  TWO hours.  I finally decided I would and opened my drawer only to realize that I didn't even have popcorn in there.  I worked hard to lose what I have, but I'm done obsessing about the rest of it.  I had a full on physical last year and I'm as healthy as can be.  Weight loss at this point is simply out of vanity and obsessing about it makes life not as fun as it can be. 

So, although it is not new years yet, I am making a resolution for 2014:

No obsessing over your weight.  Eat correctly.  Eat the foods you love that are bad for you in moderation.  Be active (it makes you a happier person anyway).  Walk the dogs more.  Play tennis with your husband more.  Enjoy your life more.  Dance more.  Wear more makeup and dress up more (even if you arent going anywhere).  Smile more.  Explore more.   Worry less.  Complain less.  Over-react less.  Maybe run another half marathon so you can be proud of your time.  Set some non weight related goals.  Goals you can be proud of that will make you a better person.  If I weigh 115 pounds, I still won't be a better person, therefore that isn't the right goal for me. 

You have one life to live and you shouldn't spend that life obsessing over things that don't matter in the end.  My guess is that they make coffins in all shapes and sizes and that's where we are all headed anyway.  Enjoy your life and live it on your own terms.  Live it for yourself.   

Friday, November 22, 2013

Hot Yoga and a Life Update

It's that time of year!  Turkey and pie time!!  The holidays are tough when you are trying to maintain or lose weight.  A lot of people will say just limit yourself etc, but I say just work your ASS off at the gym so you can have extra pie.  So, that's what I have been trying to do.

This past weekend we went camping.  No, no not like camping in a cabin while we sip wine by the fire.  We went tent camping in the woods.  I'm not a big "camper," but Jon loves it and I know when we have kids they will love it too.  I actually had a really nice time.  We only stayed two nights and the weather wasn't so bad, although there was a bit of rain.  It was fun hanging out all day and not being worried about what needed to get done.  When you are in the woods, nothing really NEEDS to get done.  I figured I would share a few pictures with yall!

These are the wonderful Mississippi woods we camped in!

This is the entrance we had to take to get to our tent.

As most of you know we went tent camping in Arkansas a few years back and I had to poop in a hole.  I did NOT have to poop in a hole this time!!  Woohoo!!

Our tent!

One would think that you don't eat well while camping, but we were with pros!  Someone at the campout made three pies using cast iron pots and hot coals.  Seriously, that's it...
Campfire time!

Sunday we had to leave the campout around 10 to make it back to Baton Rouge in time for our softball games at 1 and 2.  I'm not even going to pretend I wasn't praying for a rainout.  They did not rain out, but hey that means I got two hours of cardio in!  Monday I played a doubles tennis match and then asked Jon to play more with me when it was over.  I was on fire and we ended up playing 2 1/2 hours or so.  Tuesday was Friendsgiving.  There was no gym, just a TON of food and it was so so delicious!!  Our friends can COOK!!  Wednesday Jon and I played more tennis.  We have just been obsessed lately. Yesterday, I was going to a movie with my sister.  I get off work at 4 on Thursdays and there is a Yogalates class at 4 so I decided to go.  I fought myself on it.  You know those days where you keep talking yourself into and out of going to the gym?  Yes, that's what happened, but I DID go.  So let's talk about Yogalates...

I kept saying I wanted to do Hot Yoga and I found these classes right by work, but when I got there for some reason I just totally forgot about the "lates" part.  I have done Yoga before and I have done Pilates before and I find that although you use a mat to do both, they are fairly different.  This was not a stretching, happy, relaxing experience.  There are LOTS of crunches and planks and push-ups.  Oh, yea and did  I mention there is a full force HEATER on.  For some reason, my dumb self figured they just didn't turn the air on, but's a heater.  But, it is a hell of a workout.  I am more sore today than I can ever imagine being from softball or tennis.  It's a total body workout and every tiny muscle is aching today.  I know they have classes Mon-Thurs at 4:00 and 5:45, but their website has the whole schedule.  Definitely check them out.  I think it's $85.00 a month, but I know I will only want to do that kind of workout about once a week.  I like to mix it up.  You can pay $12.00 a class and I say it's well worth the workout you get.  The classes are an hour long.

You know how some people do reviews on makeup pallettes or foods?  I think it would be kind of cool to do reviews on gym classes in the Prairieville/Baton Rouge area.  Most places you can pay per class.  I wonder if anyone would have any interest in that? 

Monday, November 11, 2013

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

Do you know what this is a picture of?  This is a picture of a lady at target with 32 items and a bill totaling $157 and some change.  She is in the 10 items or less line.  Let's discuss.

Any one who knows me at all knows that I HATE getting out around the holidays.  I loathe the mall.  I despise crowded shopping areas.  You WILL NOT catch me anywhere like this after Thanksgiving.  It won't happen.  That is what Amazon Prime is for folks.  Maybe if I had some Prozac, I could do it, but I don't.  It's started already.  The crazies are out.  The stores are getting a little more crowded and the roads are getting a little more stupid.  I work from 8-5.  I get an hour long lunch break.  When it gets closer to Christmas I will spend that break either at work reading, or at home.  But for now, still over a month away from Christmas, I still have to go to the store sometimes.  I needed lunch meat today.  We have all been a victim of the things I am about to talk about, but just in case you are the culprit of these things, continue reading so we can all have a safe and sane holiday season.

1. See picture above.  There is a sign that clearly says 10 items or less.  We have all been to target.  There are 400 check out registers and 4 open.  There was 1 ten item or less line and 3 non-ten item or less lines.  She chose this one.  Not only did she have 32 items, she had 3 candle holders that were glass and she asked the checkout lady to make sure and wrap each individually and bag them individually so they didn't break.  Sirens went off in my head.  She then talked about how she was running late for her yoga class.  Sirens got louder.  You know in the movie mean girls where lindsay lohan is sitting there staring and smiling politely and then they flash back to the wild animals fighting each other.  That.  Don't do this people.  It's freakin rude.  I'm sorry you might be late for yoga, but I might be late for my job in the real world.  I swear I need some yoga in MY life after this encounter. **Side note, going to Hot Yoga at Yogalates South tomorrow at 5:45.  Text me if you wanna come!**

2. WHY OH WHY is there NEVER anyone at the deli counter to cut sandwich meat for you?!?!  There isn't even a damn bell.  Curse.

3. Hey you!!  Yea you!  College girl texting while you walk down the aisle at Target.  MOVE!  When people are texting and walking they tend to speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down.  Saying excuse me while almost stepping on your heels while you text Johnny boy, "LOL.  OMG!  Tigerland for free drinks Friday night!?!" is not what I want to be doing on my lunch break.  When Ludacris' 2002 hit, "Move Bitch, Get Out the Way" starts playing in my head, you are about to be in trouble.

4.  While we are talking about texting and walking...texting and driving.  Don't do it.  It's the holidays.  Don't die or kill anyone before Christmas.  It's a rule.  It's in the bible.  11th commandment edition.  Thou shalt not text and drive.  It's in there.  Don't look.  Just trust me.  Not only is it dangerous.  You are in my way.  You are in everyone's way.  And that is rude.

5.  When you are making a right hand turn you do not always need to come to a complete stop.  It should not take you 25 minutes to make a right turn. 

Alright, that's all I have for now.  I am sure there are millions more.  Feel free to tell me what makes you want to scream during the holiday season.  I would love to hear yours :)

One of those days

I'm having one of those not so motivated, ugh, blah kind of days.  I'm not in a bad mood or anything, it's just one of those days where you give yourself a pity party.  You know the days I'm talking about.  I did good all last week then I drank my weight in vodka Saturday night (I NEVER drink) and ate brownies and then was uber hungover Sunday causing me to continue my bad food binge.  Then, I get on the scale this morning and it's up.  I mean, it's not like I don't know why, but here comes the pity party anyway.  Also, side note, Monday weigh in is not a good idea.  I'm sure I'll be back down after I chug water all day and hydrate myself, so I am changing weigh in to Friday.  Ok, let the pity party commence.  I'm giving myself one it in your whiniest voice and stomp your feet if you are standing up.

Why can't I have a damn brownie?  EVERYBODY else gets to eat brownies and not be a whale.  I just want to be like a normal person.  Damn genetics.  Is the choice skinny and miserable or fat and happy?  Like will I be happy if I don't get to eat brownies??!?  There is no logic in this place.  Did I just smell popcorn?  Oh my God I'm in a panic now.  If I have one bite I will weigh 300 pounds.  There is no way around it!!!  AHHHH!!!

Ok I'm done.  I managed to lose 6 pounds by breaking my freakin scale.  I've had it fixed for one week and look what it's doing to me.  That scale can be your biggest enemy guys.  I've got to learn how to live with it.  I feel like it's a can't live with it, can't live without it relationship.  I mean I do good without it, but I am afraid that not having it around may cause things to get out of hand.  I'm determined to work through these issues.  I mean, I've only been dealing with my weight issues for about 18 years now so why would I think that I would have it figured out by now?


I promise to be less whiny tomorrow, and more motivating.  Everyone needs a day every once in awhile :)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Sorry, not sorry

Oftentimes I read weight loss blogs to keep me motivated.  That is why I write as well.  It keeps me on track.  Makes it more exciting.  I feel like when I get to share my successes with people (no matter how few people) on here I get to celebrate just a little bit more.  I also feel like when I start to fail or slip you are watching me.  That's helpful too.  I read this today and I felt the need to share.  I found it really touching...

If you read it, be sure to read parts 2 and 3 as well.  They aren't very long, but you have to read all 3 to get the whole story.

As touching as I felt it was, I can't relate.  I find that in reading most weight loss blogs there are these "bigger" (excuse the pun) issues.  For a lot of people their weight gain or just weight in general is due to emotional baggage that they have carried around.  I definitely get that, but don't relate.

I was never small.  I've always had these wide set hips and a larger chest.  I went through the lovely thing known as "puberty" the summer before 5th grade.  Yea, that's early.  And it's confusing and you start to not look like everyone else a whole lot earlier than you are supposed to.  (Maybe that's my baggage?)  My point is I never really knew anything else.  It's just how I looked.  And honestly, it bugged me in those awkward middle school years, but after didn't.

Also, shout out to mom on this one, because I am just now realizing that if I have a daughter who gets rather large boobs in 5th grade I am going to want to die and keep her home ALL THE TIME because my guess is that can attract older boys and when your daughter is 10 that is the LAST thing you want to happen. 

I lost a good bit of weight in high school and got down to my lowest ever (8.8 pounds smaller than I am today).  I had a boyfriend at the time and I guess I wanted to look good for him.  It was a pretty long relationship and ended after my first sememster at LSU.  Up until then I had maintained that weight withing 5 pounds or so.  Then it happened....

I moved out of the house!  FREEDOM!  VODKA!!!  MAC AND CHEESE!!  IZZOS FOR LUNCH!!  PIZZA HUT BREADSTICKS! (if you went to LSU you know what Im talking about.  Shout out CEBA hut.)

Oh yea and studying and partying and not playing organized sports, and not going to the gym anymore.  It was a killer.  I gained 54 pounds.  Slowly but surely.  Probably in about 2 years. 

Oddly enough through it all I never really felt like I looked bad.  I didn't have emotional baggage.  I dated people.  I got hit on at bars.  And my boobs were HUGE!  I was unapologetic about my weight gain.  Sorry, but I was not sad or sorry.  I didn't embarrassingly sit in my room all the time and at over 200 pounds I rocked the snot out of a bikini on spring break.  Suck it society!!

Don't get me wrong...looking back at pictures I am certainly unhappy with the way I looked and embarrassed that I got to the point, but at the time I had a whole lot of unwavering confidence.  

Even after starting to have to shop at big girl stores I figured I was in the smallest size there so no worries.  I don't know what changed or why I decided to start losing weight.  I honestly cannot tell you.  I don't think there was a day when I got in the mirror and said, "Kaitlyn, you are disgusting."  It was after college was over and I had started working full time.  Things had calmed down.  i wasn't dating anyone, but we were definitely still partying.  It started out when the guys we were hanging out with were runners.  I decided to start Couch 2 5k.  We stopped going out as much so the drinking wasn't going on the way it was before.  I started dropping weight.  AND it felt good.  I may have never really felt bad when I was heavier, but I did start to feel better.  You never realize you are unhappy with the way you look until you have that moment in the dressing room where you try on a smaller size and not only does it looks good.  I realized I was never ACTUALLY happy with the way I looked.  I was simply indiffernt to it.  I let my confidence be determined on how guys felt about  me and not how I felt about me.  There is always going to be some drunk asshole at a bar who is going to hit on you no matter what you look like.  I've seen it happen.  You shouldn't let the way you feel about yourself be dictated by the way the opposite sex feels about you.  Yes, it feels good getting a compliment and it's nice knowing someone thingks you're hot, but if you don't think you're hot, it is eventually going to come bite you in your ass.  When college is over and no one is soberly oogling you in the grocery store, that is when shit gets real and you really have to figure out how YOU feel about YOURSELF.  Knowing now that I can be and AM HAPPY with how I look I strive to keep getting healthier and looking better.

***Also, side note.  Met my husband at a bar and babe if you were just drunkenly hitting on me that's ok.  You aren't an idiot.  I ACTUALLY AM HOT :)***

I know that was long, but hopefully enjoyable.  Anyone have a similar experience where they just never thought they looked bad?  Guess it's kind of like the 80's a bit.  You never realized that curled bangs and tight rolled jeans looked like shit until you weren't wearing them anymore.  Also, I would love for you to share any weight loss blogs that you read that are motivating to you! 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Food food food

I figured I would let you guys know what I ate yesterday.  I'm hoping some of you clean eating gurus can help me out and give me some hints possibly.  I know I was not 100% clean with my eating, but that's not exactly the goal here.  I just want to be eating cleanER and I think I accomplished that.  With that being said, I don't want to be eating something that is terrible for me thinking that it is ok.  It's strange though because I feel like everyone really has a different opinion of what clean eating is.  I have spoken to people who have told me what I can't have and all I could think is what can I have.  I don't want to live forever off of grass and nuts and chickens that were hand fed by 10 year old honduran boys praying to the scientology gods.  Then I read from others that you can have white flour mixed with butter and canola oil and you're fine as long as it is in moderation.  There HAS to be a happy medium somewhere in here.  Here is mine :)

Yesterday's menu

Breakfast-3 boiled egg whites and a banana
Morning Snack-Apple
Lunch-Black bean quinoa salad
Afternoon Snack-Cucumbers and hummus
Dinner-Whole grain wrap with extra lean ground beef and taco seasoning, lettuce, salsa, sprinkle of fat free cheddar cheese and some black beans

So a few things...
I KNOW ground turkey would have been better than 96/4 ground beef, but I don't like ground turkey so there.
I KNOW I would have been better off without the cheese, but I like cheese so I limited.
For some reason I feel like I shouldnt be eating raisins?  Can anyone tell me why?  Maybe they are ok, but I'm not sure.  Under ingredients it says..."Raisins"  Well, no shit huh?  Shouldn't it say grapes?  I don't get it.  Also there is a warning on the box...

"May contain an occasional grape stem or wood fragment"

Does anyone know if wood fragments are clean?

All in all it was a good day and I got on the scale this morning...down another 0.8 lbs.  I will take it!

In other news I won my doubles tennis match last night!  Woop!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Serious Business

I was not joking when I wrote that post last week.  Today it is on!! 

So, as you guys know my scale pooped out about 6-8 weeks ago.  Turns out it was just the battery.  So I got a new battery for it about a week and a half ago.  I have been TERRIFIED to get on the scale.  I have been really active, but not watching what I have been eating as closely as I normally do so I was really worried.  I kept putting off weighing myself, but since shit was getting real today I had to step on and face the music.

5.4 pounds

But...wait for was a LOSS of 5.4 pounds.  Holy smokes.  This kind of boosts my confidence in the fact that I was NOT eating enough calories.  My fitness pal may be telling you 1200 calories, but that simply is not enough.  If you are eating the right kinds of foods and are super active, you need more than that.  I know that MYP is supposed to be accounting for your activity, but I was always thinking things like, "there is no way I burned 600 calories playing doubles tennis for an hour and a half" and I thought I would sabatoge my weight loss if I ate 1800 calories in one day.  That seems like so much to me!  There is, however a method to the madness.  Make sure you are eating enough guys.

That being said take a look at what I am eating for lunch.  I found this recipe on pinterest and it is so so easy and seems like it will be tasty!

It's a black bean quinoa salad.  You can cook quinoa in the rice cooker btw.  I did 1 cup of quinoa to 2 cups of water and it didn't take long.  That much could make me 3-4 lunches for the week!

2/3 cup quinoa
1/2 cup black beans (I used canned (gasp!) but I rinsed them really well)
1/2 an avacado (the recipe called for 1 avacado...that seemed a bit much)
a few cherry tomatos
a squeeze of lime juice

Talk about a protein packed lunch!  It probably has a bit more calories than I would usually eat for lunch, but for the first few weeks of eating clean I don't intend to count calories.  Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack.  I'm keeping it simple and seeing how that goes for me.  Weigh ins will now be on Monday mornings.  I think that will help me stay on track during the weekends.