I don't know what changed. I don't know how it changed. After trying to "lose weight" for years and years and years and being successful, but feeling like I can't get to the finish line, something clicked. I always read these weight loss blogs and look at other people's stories and think how is it so easy for them? Something must have clicked for them that just is not clicking for me. How can I lose 46 pounds and keep it off for years and years and just be stuck here no matter what I do. What the hell do they know that I don't know?!?!
Just when I say "fuck it" (excuse my language), I'm over it and I'm not getting on that freakin scale every day...every week, it started working. Something clicked? I'm not sure yet, and I don't want to jinx it, but this might be it guys.
I stopped worrying about losing weight. I stopped counting calories. I stopped counting points. I stopped counting numbers on the scale. I simply started eating right, but also splurging when I feel like it. I've been active. I get to the gym a decent amount during the week. I wear my fitbit and make sure I'm getting 10k steps a day and 10 flights of stairs. And guess what?! I havent gained 50 OR 100 pounds. In fact, the number on the scale is a good bit lower than it was at my wedding in March. You may think if you stop obsessing over it, you will gain weight, but it isnt the case.
I was recently reading a blog this girl writes. She lost lots of weight and did it by running. When she hit a plateau in her weight loss she would run some more and so on. She lost all the weight and continued to run EVERY DAY. She would skip out on the things she wanted to do because she HAD to run in order to keep the weight loss off. When she started losing weight she was around 250 and when it ended she was around 135. That's a big damn deal. And you know what? One day she got in her car to go run after turning down some friends that were doing something she really wanted to do and she said she just sat there and cried. She said that that day she realized that she would rather have the life she had at 250lbs than the one she was living at 135. And that day she stopped running. She hasn't run again. It's been a few years. She likes to walk and hike. She enjoys playing outside with her dogs. Her current weight? 135.
I sat at my desk today after lunch for two hours trying to decide if I was going to eat the bag of popcorn that was in my desk. TWO hours. I finally decided I would and opened my drawer only to realize that I didn't even have popcorn in there. I worked hard to lose what I have, but I'm done obsessing about the rest of it. I had a full on physical last year and I'm as healthy as can be. Weight loss at this point is simply out of vanity and obsessing about it makes life not as fun as it can be.
So, although it is not new years yet, I am making a resolution for 2014:
No obsessing over your weight. Eat correctly. Eat the foods you love that are bad for you in moderation. Be active (it makes you a happier person anyway). Walk the dogs more. Play tennis with your husband more. Enjoy your life more. Dance more. Wear more makeup and dress up more (even if you arent going anywhere). Smile more. Explore more. Worry less. Complain less. Over-react less. Maybe run another half marathon so you can be proud of your time. Set some non weight related goals. Goals you can be proud of that will make you a better person. If I weigh 115 pounds, I still won't be a better person, therefore that isn't the right goal for me.
You have one life to live and you shouldn't spend that life obsessing over things that don't matter in the end. My guess is that they make coffins in all shapes and sizes and that's where we are all headed anyway. Enjoy your life and live it on your own terms. Live it for yourself.