Monday, June 23, 2014

Hold on to your hats?

This is going to be a weird one, so hold on to your hats.  Shit's about to get deep.  I've been having these weird feelings lately like I'm not quite being myself.  I know that seems like a totally odd thing to say, but I'm hoping someone may be able to relate to me on this one.  Let me explain.

Do you ever see things that make you sigh because you are just so in love with them?  Like you see an outfit in the store and you sigh and say to yourself, "oh I just love that, but it's so not me."  Why do we say this?  Why is it "not me"?  This is a totally legitimate questions.  I mean, I always thought red lipstick was "not me", but oh how I loved how it looked on other people.  So I bought some.  And I wore it.  And I felt like a damn  movie star!  But still, I have only worn it once.  I feel I can only wear it when I have on a black dress.  I can only wear it with minimal jewelry.  I can only wear it when my hair is fixed a certain way.  I've set all these red lipstick parameters and now I'm never going to wear the damn red lipstick I love again.  Why do we do this?  Am I the only one?

Another case in point...I bought one of those hippie headband things.  You know, like this:

so weird to be saying this but I want my natural color back... when I was younger I never would have wanted this color of hair.

I've had it for over a month.  I bought it on the cheap on amazon knowing damn well I wouldn't wear it.  Mom and Kristyn called me Pocahontas.  I still was not deterred.  However, I keep telling myself it's just "not me."

So I was sitting here at work this afternoon wondering why I wasn't wearing my hippie headband and red lipstick that make me so happy.  Is anyone else NOT doing something that would make them happy?!  Why are we doing this?  I have decided to make a concerted effort to start wearing and doing and buying and loving the things I want.  I think no matter how confident you are, you will always struggle with wondering if things are just "not you."  I think saying that is our cop out.  We say oh it's just "not me" so we don't have to wear it and wonder what people may be saying about us.  Maybe these things ARE you!  Maybe they just AREN'T for other people.  So on this Monday afternoon, let us all just say F it and be happy.  Do it for yourself :)