Monday, November 11, 2013

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

Do you know what this is a picture of?  This is a picture of a lady at target with 32 items and a bill totaling $157 and some change.  She is in the 10 items or less line.  Let's discuss.

Any one who knows me at all knows that I HATE getting out around the holidays.  I loathe the mall.  I despise crowded shopping areas.  You WILL NOT catch me anywhere like this after Thanksgiving.  It won't happen.  That is what Amazon Prime is for folks.  Maybe if I had some Prozac, I could do it, but I don't.  It's started already.  The crazies are out.  The stores are getting a little more crowded and the roads are getting a little more stupid.  I work from 8-5.  I get an hour long lunch break.  When it gets closer to Christmas I will spend that break either at work reading, or at home.  But for now, still over a month away from Christmas, I still have to go to the store sometimes.  I needed lunch meat today.  We have all been a victim of the things I am about to talk about, but just in case you are the culprit of these things, continue reading so we can all have a safe and sane holiday season.

1. See picture above.  There is a sign that clearly says 10 items or less.  We have all been to target.  There are 400 check out registers and 4 open.  There was 1 ten item or less line and 3 non-ten item or less lines.  She chose this one.  Not only did she have 32 items, she had 3 candle holders that were glass and she asked the checkout lady to make sure and wrap each individually and bag them individually so they didn't break.  Sirens went off in my head.  She then talked about how she was running late for her yoga class.  Sirens got louder.  You know in the movie mean girls where lindsay lohan is sitting there staring and smiling politely and then they flash back to the wild animals fighting each other.  That.  Don't do this people.  It's freakin rude.  I'm sorry you might be late for yoga, but I might be late for my job in the real world.  I swear I need some yoga in MY life after this encounter. **Side note, going to Hot Yoga at Yogalates South tomorrow at 5:45.  Text me if you wanna come!**

2. WHY OH WHY is there NEVER anyone at the deli counter to cut sandwich meat for you?!?!  There isn't even a damn bell.  Curse.

3. Hey you!!  Yea you!  College girl texting while you walk down the aisle at Target.  MOVE!  When people are texting and walking they tend to speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down.  Saying excuse me while almost stepping on your heels while you text Johnny boy, "LOL.  OMG!  Tigerland for free drinks Friday night!?!" is not what I want to be doing on my lunch break.  When Ludacris' 2002 hit, "Move Bitch, Get Out the Way" starts playing in my head, you are about to be in trouble.

4.  While we are talking about texting and walking...texting and driving.  Don't do it.  It's the holidays.  Don't die or kill anyone before Christmas.  It's a rule.  It's in the bible.  11th commandment edition.  Thou shalt not text and drive.  It's in there.  Don't look.  Just trust me.  Not only is it dangerous.  You are in my way.  You are in everyone's way.  And that is rude.

5.  When you are making a right hand turn you do not always need to come to a complete stop.  It should not take you 25 minutes to make a right turn. 

Alright, that's all I have for now.  I am sure there are millions more.  Feel free to tell me what makes you want to scream during the holiday season.  I would love to hear yours :)

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