I've been thinking a lot today. For the most part this blog is about weight loss. Plain and simple. But, in the broader scope of things it is also about making changes. I think, overall, I'm a pretty rad person. But, like all people (I'm guessing) there are plenty of things I don't like about myself that I want to change. On the flip side, for every one thing I want to change about myself, there are at least two that I love.
I don't like that I struggle between wanting to be selfish forever and having children. I want children. I really do! Like bad! But, I wish we could all live 100 more years than we do. I was so lucky to meet hubs, but I wish I could have met him sooner. It's like a bad joke that God made it to where you HAVE to have kids by a certain age or bad things might happen. I seriously need about 20 more years to enjoy my marriage, our dogs, and our money before kids.
Since I am a woman all the things previously stated make me feel ridiculously guilty. Then the thoughts start pouring in. And panic insues. What if I can't have kids? There are people out there would die to get preggers! Here I am being selfish. I hope I don't curse myself forever.
Am I the only one ladies? It can't be just me who simultaneously celebrates getting her period quickly followed by feeling guilty for celebrating, because I want kids ONE day and I'm pushing thirty and tick tock tick tock. Is this real life? Is this what being an adult is like?
I like that I accept other people. I like that I believe in what I believe in and that's never going to change. I like that I can believe in God AND not hate other people (this seems to happen sometimes and I am just not sure how...) I like what my beliefs are and am proud of them. Thanks mom and dad (shoutout!) for molding these beliefs and teaching me right from wrong.
I like how I feel about music. I like that I have a deeper connection to some songs than I do to most people. I like that music is what brought me and my husband together because he feels it to. I hope to pass this love on to our children one day (you know if I didn't curse myself by celebrating my period).
I hate that I am "TOO BUSY." I hate those words and I hate what is followed by them. Too busy to laugh, too busy to love, too busy to listen. I mean wtf? Why do I let myself get overwhelmed by dumb things. The equation is usually (something stupid and small and aggravating, and not fun) makes me too busy for (something or someone I love, something enjoyable, something meaningful). STUPID STUPID STUPID. And even with this knowledge and trying to change this about myself, I guarantee the words "too busy" will come out of my mouth at some point in the next week.
I like that I keep it real yo. Nuff said.
Oh man do I LOVE Jon. I love that I met him. I love that he chose me. I love that we are married. And I LOVE going home to that man every day. I know that no matter where I end up or what I face that as long as I am with him I am at home.
I hate that sometimes when I try to do something big or feel like I want to impact more people that I roll my eyes at myself and move on. There are so many things that I want to do with my life, but sometimes all those things just feel way too big to even attempt. I want to work on being a little more fearless about my dreams and taking some chances even when I'm not 100% comfortable with them.
I love that I love to dance. Sober or drunk. Happy or sad. Confused or content. I love to dance.
I like that I am motivated to change the things I can. I like that I am making better choices and losing the weight FINALLY and working on the things about myself that I want to change.
So when you are thinking about one thing you don't like about yourself whether it be your weight, or your amount of patience, or your lack of creativity try and at least think of TWO things that you do like about yourself and please remeber: